Saturday, 31 May 2014

That voice in your head!!! EGO!  Whose running the show here anyhow? What you think you become. That voice is running the show. 

You are obsessing about things, worrying, anxious, unable to settle; and the thoughts just keep on coming... all the dark thoughts of terrifying things that could possibly happen to you and/or those you love. Obsession - you all know what that is like. It’s a fear that will not go away; it plays the same tune over and over in your head. It’s being agitated, which manifest itself with pacing, twitches, compulsive movements with your hands, and/or any repetitive act. 

The ego does not like or want change and fear is the result. It wants to keep you exactly where you are. It plays on your fears, with thoughts like: “you will end up a bag lady, you’ll never find the right guy, or your kids will get hurt”; all the negative thoughts. This “anticipating disaster” style of negative thinking only leads to stress, anxiety, unhappiness, frustration and sleepless nights; which, of course, eventually leads to illness in some form or another.
Fear is such a huge topic because it runs the world. We have fear based leadership, religion and even fear based marketing/advertising; which ultimately creates a fear based society. Our society has the fear of the unknown and fear of what they cannot or will not understand. There are so many people clinging to life by their fingernails, filled with guilt and shame and so afraid to make a move, to try anything new for fear of losing what they have accomplished or accumulated. They have a fear of living AND a fear of dying. 

I have learned, over time, not to listen to my thoughts when they are causing me stress. I tune them out, however I can. This stress is not the truth, it is just supposition and fear, and it won't help you, in any way, to listen to it. If your thoughts cause you stress, shut them out, don't listen to them. 

"Reality is always kinder than your thoughts" Byron Katie

Friday, 30 May 2014

As life progresses, accumulated experiences are assimilated within and you begin to form a variety of beliefs to add to those already established. The hard times will determine your faith, and you will be blessed with easy times to provide a rest and revitalization period. 

I have for quite some time now, believed that we are spirits having a human experience, that we have been here many times before and we are here to learn, grow, love one another. and when this life is finished, we graduate and go home. 

The only hell is the one you put yourself in here on earth. Life isn't meant to be a struggle. We create it ourselves. We make bad choices, huge mistakes, go down the wrong path, tell ourselves lies about so many things, and through all this, we learn. AND that is exactly why we are here. 

You may have noticed, when things are fairly calm and running smoothly, that there is not much change or growth. 

BUT when you are in the depths of despair, trying to dig yourself out of the hole, this is when the growth is magnified. This is a powerful time for advancement, and you will eventually; begin to feel gratitude for all you have been through; because without the despair, and the bad times - you would not be where you are now!

Everything is a lesson, everything happens for a reason, everything means something, there are no coincidences. It is all an opportunity to advance, to grow and to perfect. 

"You don't have a soul
You are a soul
You have a body"
CS Lewis

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Good Morning, 

I have often said, I should have stopped when I was twenty-one and knew everything, because I tell you, I don't know much now.  

All those great conversations we had about everything.. we knew all the answers, we could fix the world. We were so large and in charge. Of course, I was a child of the universe, of the sixties, we were all about the love and the whole world was entitled to our opinion. We protested everything, even sang protest songs at every hootenanny. We were amazing!

Then what happened? Life.... Dating, marriage, childbirth, different jobs, divorce, deaths, etc. normal events, but each and every one caused me to question my beliefs and all those things that I thought I knew. AND I ended up realizing that I know very little. 

I hope I know the main "stuff", like I cannot change anyone, I can't fix them, I can't have everything I want, the whole world does not revolve around me, I am not an island, life is about change (kicking and screaming all the way) and quit trying to control everything, AND I am not in charge of in charge of the entire universe.... shocker! 

So this whole life is about change, and I can't change anyone, so who does that leave... ME! Now that is what I am in the process of doing, changing myself. Quite a new experience to concentrate solely on me, and I am certainly no easier to change. It is an uphill battle, believe me, but the freedom of only having me on the agenda is quite amazing.

Therefore the wise part of this little epistle is: the only one you can change is yourself. If something bothers you about someone else, you need to change your approach or leave. If you don't like the situation, walk away. If you don't want to do something, then don't do it. Don't continue to try and get "them " to see reason, or understand you. Don't explain and don't complain, just shut the door. That is the wisdom of the ages. You are in charge of you, you are the light, let it shine....
Do you have any drama in your life or is everything calm and reasonable? Please know that you cannot reason with an unreasonable person. You can remain calm in a confrontation and present reasonable alternatives to the drama, but you are talking to a tornado; your words are simply scattered to the wind.

The Urban Dictionary states:
Drama Junkie: One who enjoys drama to the point that they are addicted and usually starts problems because they have nothing better to do with their time.  Drama Queen: Someone who turns something unimportant into a major deal. Someone who blows things way out of proportion when ever they get the chance.

Drama is a life of struggle, chaos and turmoil; with some over reaction and over acting thrown in for good measure. It is usually starts as a way to get attention, but can become a necessity to keep life interesting and exciting. Life simply isn't big enough without the drama. 

Their story is never simple or direct, there is never any resolution to any problem, everything is an emergency, life is always hanging off the end of a cliff. These are obvious signs, but add manipulation, avoidance, assigning blame, denial, lying and you're in the middle of the drama dance. Also, please note the words chosen here are words of the drama dance - Never, Always and you can add, Everyone/everything.

The point of the quote is, the drama is surrounding you for a reason, if you are not the one creating it, you probably don't want it in your life.

The way to eliminate it is not to react to it. The response is the trigger. If you have a child, parent or friend that is a drama junkie/queen, it is their issue, not yours.... you need to detach. Sometimes, drugs or alcohol are the reason for the dramatics and other times it is a means of getting whatever they want. Do not respond to the antics, just walk away. It is similar to a temper tantrum, do not give it any credence. You deserve a calm, quiet, peaceful life, and detaching yourself from drama will get you there.

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Great statement! - Are negative forces running your life? Is there more negative than positive? Is your power wrapped up in some other person's agenda? 

The weeds that the statement is referring to are the negative forces we allow "in" that choke the lives out of us. Watering them is giving them our time, our attention and/or any consideration whatsoever.

In our gardens we constantly pull weeds out and get rid of them. We alienate them completely. We cannot run the risk of weeds choking out our fabulous flower beds. The fastest way to clean up your garden is to remove all the intruders. Don't let the weeds rob your garden of it's beauty.

This is a great metaphor for our lives....
The fastest way to clean up your life is to get rid of the "weeds."

Rid yourself of the "weeds" in your life, even if they include a family member, friend, or even a spouse; you deserve more than someone that is not treating you with respect and loveThis breed of person will just drain the life out of you, wear you down and hinder your growth. They are taking up precious space in your garden. Confront whatever fears you have of letting them go, take a deep breathe and just pull them out of your garden. I have made that sound like it is an easy thing to do, and technically it is, but emotionally it is hard. Just remember; you are the flower in this scenario, you need to bloom. 

You will receive a huge serge of self-esteem as soon as you rid yourself of the weeds that have been constricting you.You will be free to grow.
"At any given time, we have two options; to step forward into growth or backward into safety" - Abraham Maslow     Take care of you.. blossom.

Monday, 26 May 2014

Monday Musings

When you read this quote by Rumi, What is your take on this? When you are out walking, and look at the trees.... are they dancing or are they fixed elements?

When you look at the trees or anything, the most important thing is to actually “see” them.

What would make the trees dance? Is it the wind, your imagination, spirits, sleight of hand, smoke and mirrors? 

Everything on this planet is made up of energy. Since this is a fact, then why couldn't a tree move by itself? I’m not talking about uprooting, simply swaying branches.

Have you ever hugged a tree? I have long been known as a tree hugger. I think you'd enjoy trying it on your next nature walk - choose a large tree that you can barely get your arms around, for best results, a nice fir or cedar. (While you are at it, ask the tree to relieve you of all your worries and let you have some peace. Trees are very obliging.) Notice, the in and out movement of that substantial trunk; that feels amazingly like breathing. If you can’t feel it, hug tighter, really connect with the tree. This pillar of nature is working, busy with sap running and photosynthesis, giving us clean air to breathe. This tree is providing homes for birds and various species of wildlife. It is alive, productive, and ACTIVE.  

After hugging it out, lie down on the forest floor, look straight up, way up to the sky; and close your eyes. When you open them again, I promise you will see the top of that tree dancing in the sunlight. 

It's about really "seeing," being in tune with nature, trusting and being open to possibilities. Nothing is as it seems. You are in charge of your own reality.
What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are.

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Since Sundays are synonymous with confession, here is mine.

Who am I? It occurred to me that there may be some question as to who I am or who I think I am; pontificating on life.

So here it is.... I am certainly not a professional guru, psychologist, or even a life coach. I am not a professional in this field at all, I have no credentials; in fact the only field I have been considered a professional in is floristry. This is a far cry from arranging flowers, except for the artistic connection of writing and designing.

The year 2013 was extremely challenging for me on every level, but the blessing was that I received “time.” And by far the largest challenge of my life was to learn to accept it.  

Wasting time, took on a whole new meaning for me. I don’t mean the “couch potato” kind of wasting time; I mean the obsessing, worrying, anxious, restless, stress-filled time that manifests itself into an all-encompassing fear....of what? The unknown, I assume. I now had this entirely new existence, in which I felt helpless and raw, with nowhere to channel my disillusionment. After a time of wallowing in this cesspool of uncertainty and fear, I finally accepted the gift, the time, and spent it writing my story. I wrote what had happened and conclusions drawn. This resulted in a book that is awaiting publication.

Patience has never been my strong suit, I need an outlet and this is it.

So, that is who I am. A women that has endured a challenging year, as we all have, and drawn some conclusions about the whys and wherefores of life. I am sharing them with you, because I need an outlet and hope to provide some insight.

We are all on this journey together, we are all connected; and the time comes to pay it forward, share the knowledge and wisdom that one accumulates in their journey.

“We are all just walking each other home.” Ram Dass

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Good Morning Musings

Isn't it amazing how life works?

The worst circumstances bring out the strength of the human spirit.

You have spiraled down, into a dark well, feeling worse than ever before; due to a life changing event, (an argument, a break-up, job loss or even a death.) Nothing will ever be the same again.

You are in pain, devastated, and cannot imagine how you will carry on. And yet, after some dark days/months/years, life resumes and you end up feeling grateful. It’s always darkest before the dawn.

This is an amazing phenomenon. How does that happen? There is always something to be grateful for, BUT how do you get from there to here? Does time really heal all wounds and how does it do that? What changes, what makes the entire scenario become less tragic? Do you just forget about the pain, the person, the losses incurred?  Does the mind just click over from darkness to light? Do you just get fed up with feeling sad? What makes a person, decide to look on the bright side, get up, and get moving again? How do you come to acceptance? What makes everything alright?

Is it the love that surrounds you, your family and friends, your support group? Is it your belief system? Is it determination?  Is it instinctive?  

I, personally, think it is GRACE. What else could it be? What else would end the pain, or enable you to dig yourself out of the depths of despair? 
"With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair"

What are your thoughts this morning?

Friday, 23 May 2014

Good Morning,

Yesterday's message was all about you making yourself happy: of getting rid of the stress and finding joy in simple pleasures. 

This is a profound message, in and of itself, because most of us look outside ourselves for happiness.

It may not have occurred to you that you have anything to do with how you are feeling. Someone said something cruel to you and made you feel bad, someone did something to you; an incident occurred... it was all out of your control. Things just happen. Of course you feel bad!

Actually, perhaps these things did occur, BUT you, being at the receiving end, are the one that made the decision to let it “get to you.” No one can “make” you feel anything.

You made me feel bad - this can never happen, you chose to feel bad. You took the insult to heart and it hurt - this is your reaction.  No one has the power to make you feel anything.

You know how some people; usually those related to you- like your parents and/or your siblings, seem to know exactly what to say to get to you? They push your buttons, and you react to it in the same manner each and every time.  What was said struck a chord within you, touched that tender spot full of past hurts and resonated with it; and you reacted with pain. Remember,
only YOU can make yourself happy, or angry, or frustrated...  You are in control; no one can do it for you or to you.

“No one can take advantage of you without your permission”
Eleanor Roosevelt
If you don’t want to feel bad, if you don’t want to react as you always have, then don’t. It is really that simple – once you are aware of what gets you going, once you are conscious of it, you are able to simply change your reaction. It will take a little work, but just by being aware of it, you can alter the future.

“What other people think of you is none of your business”

Thursday, 22 May 2014

Happy Thursday,

Yesterday I mentioned that we were on this planet to be happy, to plow through the negativity and find some happiness within.  Happiness is not just for birthdays or Christmas anymore. You can be happy every day, because it is simply a mindset. It is a decision, a choice; it’s up to you. You can be miserable or you can be happy.....

Your choice.

Everything in your life is staged for your reactions.

You choose how you want to react to any situation that arises.  

Everyone feels pressured to perform in today’s world, we are so busy, so programmed to succeed; that stress is out of control... and so are we. We need some happy back on the menu, pure enjoyment and joy. Just stop and think about it, concentrate on the word “happy” or “joy”, what comes to mind?

Try something like this....running barefoot in the sand, add a kite, let it fly in the air above and behind you, as you run. Notice the bright, happy colours of the kite in the stunning blue sky. Feel the sun warm your body, burning down on your head. The tail of the kite is slapping against the wind? Feel the sand in your toes, the wind in your hair? Smell the water, taste the salt air. See the birds high in the sky, the billowing white clouds? Use all of your senses; touch, smell, sight, hearing and taste.  Now just breathe. Relax, let the calmness envelope you and “know” - happy. This is it!

Let go of the stress. Whatever will be will be, whether you are stressed out or running on the beach. Get in touch with the child you used to be and be that child again, at the beach, in the sun.

Happiness is a state of mind, try happy on for will feel better on every level.  

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Hello, World! Welcome to mine....focusedongrowing

This is my first blog, my first attempt to share my message with the interested parties. I have completed a book on this subject, however, the publishing segment of that scenario is still in the works.So with my burning desire to share what I have learned, a blog is definitely the answer.  So, people, ready, set, go! We have lift off!

I have been blessed with the opportunity, in the last couple of years, to investigate exactly what makes me tick; how and why I do what I do, why I act or react to certain situations, and how this person that I present to the world was formed. Introspection has been the theme of my days, and I am finally emerging from the fog where I have been existing for the majority of my life so far.

Focused on Growing.... growing what? Flowers? Fatter? Fingernails?

Actually, my mission is to grow into myself. There are so many layers to dig through to find out who you really are. I am completely focused on growing spiritually, growing up, living my best life; letting go of old behaviours, hurts and anxieties.

We all have issues, we all need love, we are all afraid of something and wandering around in a fog, getting nowhere fast. We are missing parts of ourselves, missing the boat, and missing out on the happiness everyone is entitled to. The old saying, "When my ship comes in, I'll probably be at the airport," sounds familiar, doesn't it?

We have all come to this planet to be happy, to learn and grow. Everything is a lesson, for our benefit, and our growth.  Most people want a peaceful, calm and enjoyable life; and believe it or not, it is there for you. We all have the exact life that we want, so if this doesn't satisfy you, then a change is necessary; not for everyone else; but for YOU.

Welcome, lets see if together we can help each other to emerge from the fog and live our best life!