Friday, 18 July 2014

My daughter and grandson are returning to my house today for the final leg of their journey. It's been an absolute whirlwind of activities, reunions and sightseeing for all of us. Tyra has not been home for 8 years and Kenzie has never seen his actual homeland. He is so amazed by everything, and even though they were freezing when they first arrived, the weather finally cooperated and they settled in very nicely. When you come from a tropical climate to the west coast of Canada, it is an enormous shock to your system. 

They are astounded by the daylight here on the West Coast. In Bali the sun rises and sets between 5:30-6 year round, barely fluctuating at all. So having daylight until 9-9:30 is amazing for them. They have seen all the sights around Vancouver and spent the last couple of weeks with friends and family in Victoria and surrounding areas. Tyra took Kenzie through her childhood memories and played tourist.

Now, they are exhausted and will return to Mom/Grammy for some R&R before the long trek back home. I will be extremely sad to have them leave again, but I have memories and pictures to make our parting slightly more bearable.

This has been a profound healing experience for both Tyra and myself. She has been feeling disconnected for quite some time, even with all the modern technology, and I have simply missed them both. Bali is a very long way away. There is no way to explain the fulfillment of having my daughter and grandson here on my turf, especially after such a long separation. My heart is overflowing with love and gratitude. A mother needs to be able to SEE her children, touch them, and just BE with them. There is a hollow feeling right to your core when they are not around. I am pleased that they make their own lives, but this connection has been so necessary and I am so grateful. There is nothing like family, no one else can fill that space in your heart! 

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." Desmond Tutu

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Have you heard the quote "watch what they do... not what they say"? Wise words.

People say any amount of things, but do they mean what they say? How many people actually say what they mean and mean what they say?

The truth is, people will say what they think you want to hear. In order to keep the peace, or to avoid dealing with anything, it is easier to placate. 

You will find that you cannot trust what people say all the time. When someone tells you something, then reneges on that statement, it should be harder to believe the next time. Your "gut" will tell you that this is not true, don't believe it, and yet sometimes, your mind wants you to go along with it. We have gotten used to "hushing" our gut when we get a message that we don't want to hear. This, as everything, is about you. The person you are dealing with may be the one lying, but you are choosing to accept it. We will always hear exactly what we want, and if we are not ready to hear it, we won't.

Some people have such huge walls built to keep the emotions at bay, but if you pay attention to their actions, you can see who they are. They cannot hide, there are "tells" with everyone. So if someone is saying yes to you and their actions are saying the opposite, it may be time to consider if it is good for you to continue to listen. You may just have to walk away. The only one that you can change is you. It is not your job to try and fix anyone, you can only fix yourself. We don't like to think that someone would lie to us, or that they didn't love us after all; but no matter what your age, do you want to wake up in twenty years still accepting less than you deserve, being unhappy and unfulfilled. Only you can put an end to what no longer serves you. 

Do not accept a YES from someone that doesn't have the right to give you a NO in the first place.

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

This continues yesterday's blog post concerning expectations. Each time we carefully plan out any scenario, we are creating expectations around it. 

"If I run into him at the bank, I'm just going to tell him.....","If I don't get that job, I'm going to....", or  "They can't do that to me, when I see them, I am going to...." 

There are a lot of "going to's" going on here... all those things you would do if "whatever" happened. So you spend the entire day, week, month, plotting and planning precisely, how you will handle "whatever", when or if it happens. Planning what you will say, each word and nuance along with how you will act. Look how complex this is becoming. You are trading a day, or more, of your life planning for something that hasn't even happened and perhaps never will. What is that all about? 

This seems to be a very common phenomenon, to plan out your life with each and every scenario covered, "if he says this or that, or if this happens or that happens" Why would you do this? Does it keep you safe? Does it prevent "whatever" from taking place? Does it make sure that you are OK even if "whatever" does take place? I think most people think that they have to do their due diligence in every possible situation just in case it happens. Again, Why? 
How has this planning worked for you so far? Have you prevented anything "bad" from entering your life? Have you come out unscathed from the dreaded meeting? Does everything you plan work out perfectly?

Realistically, not only are you wasting your life, but if you are so focused on what could go wrong, you are missing all the good things that are trying to get past all the planning and fill you with joy.

So as the quote says... RELAX, BREATHE, TRUST, LET GO and just wait and see what happens. Waiting to see is just as dependable as planning your life. Control is just an illusion.

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

How much trouble do we create for ourselves with our EXPECTATIONS? We set ourselves up, again and again. We project our thoughts and feelings onto so many situations, suffer the consequences of gigantic disappointment and yet, continue to do the same thing over and over again. 

Do you know the definition of insanity? "When you continue doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results"  There it is... and yet we are all guilty. We simply want the best possible outcome, or perhaps, we are afraid of the outcome. We are sabotaging our own lives. 

So what is the answer? How do we stop ourselves from projecting our expectations onto situations or people, especially our children, spouses and friends? We need to ACCEPT "what is", as it is, not try to control every situation or person in our lives. Each of us is on our own path, we need to let people have their own experiences, successes and failures. This is how they will learn and grow. If we continue to run interference for everyone, we are simply delaying the lesson and therefore, the growth. It doesn't matter that you think you have the answer for them, or that you can save them some heartache, or penalty. What goes on in someone else's life is none of your business. 

As Byron Katie states in her book "Loving What Is".... 
"I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours and God’s. Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our business. When I think, “You need to get a job I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your business. When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business. If I am mentally in your business or in God’s business, the effect is separation."

We don't see life as it is, we see it as we are. When you learn how to accept instead of expect, you'll have fewer disappointments.  Live your own life, stay out of everyone else's.They are who they are, once they are adult, and they are doing what they need to do. Do not plan a response to everything that may be thrown at you, just go forth with love and it will all work out. Control is simply an illusion. Enjoy this life you have been given each and every day.

Monday, 7 July 2014

Karma-Sanskritकर्मmeans action, work or deed; it also refers to the principle of causality where intent and actions of an individual influence the future of that individual. Good intent and good deed contribute to good karma and future happiness, while bad intent and bad deed contribute to bad karma and future suffering. 

You can interpret Karma in as many ways as there are people, but basically Karma means: "you get what you give", "you reap what you sow" and the ever popular, "what goes around, comes around". This seems simple enough, but ls it? Some people read the explanation of Karma (above) and interpret it as something that will "get back" at someone who has hurt you. It is individual, it is about YOU, not about "getting" someone else. You only need to watch what YOU are doing.

Some people feel that they can do or say whatever is on their mind and not take any notice of anyone else. Surely this will come back to bite them. Right? The consequences of someone else's actions are not your concern nor is it what Karma is about. Karma is NOT about revenge. The way you react to a situation is your Karma, if someone handles the same situation badly that is none of your business, it is their Karma.  

Your Karma is about YOU and only YOU. What YOU do/say returns to YOU in kind. You are not responsible, nor can you control, anyone else's Karma. If YOU want to get more, give more. This refers to anything happiness, love, money, anything. YOU GIVE, YOU GET! That's how the universe works. 

"How people treat you is their Karma, how you react is yours" Wayne Dyer

Sunday, 6 July 2014

Good morning everyone 
I still have my family in the country, but they are visiting other family and friends, so here is another blog post from me.... for Sunday, July 6/14

John Lennon, an iconic figure from the early sixties to today as a singer-songwriter for the Beatles (1964-1969), as well as for his solo career with Yoko Ono. In 1971, he released "Imagine"...

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

Imagine was the best-selling single of his solo career, its lyrics encourage the listener to imagine a world at peace without the barriers of borders or the divisiveness of religions and nationalities, and to consider the possibility that the focus of humanity should be living a life unattached to material possessions. This gives us pause for thought. 
John Lennon was a visionary, he saw the world differently and spread that message through his songs. He touched us with these words and we are therefore different because of him. I singled him out because I admire him, but this legacy is the same for each and every one of us. We all touch others in some way, each day we live. We all have an effect on other people, we are all connected. We are all one. If we think of ourselves as an important cog in the wheel of life, it will remind us of the importance of being authentic, kind and loving to all that cross our path or those that walk it with us.. Give peace a chance!