#138

Don't take anything personally....

It's hard to understand not taking things personally when it involves you. When you feel that the remark or action was directed at you, it can cause hurt feelings, anger or resentment.

When it is a stranger, it usually is a domino effect. A build-up of small incidents that end up in your face. It has nothing to do with you. 

But when it is someone close to you, it is a different matter. They are usually just using you as a sounding board or trying to deflect the focus to you, rather than them. So everything gets turned around, and they act as though you are at fault. 

Nothing others do is because of you.  What others do and say is a projection of their own reality...

It usually has nothing to do with you. They choose to react the way they do and you must make it a choice, as well. Taking something someone has spouted off about, personally, is causing you needless pain, and setting you up to be a victim. The way people treat you is a statement about them, not you.  When you know who you are, their opinion of you, will quickly diminish in value, and your opinion of yourself will increase. So, refuse to take it personally and avoid the upset that it could cause. Their opinion of you is just that, their opinion. It is not a fact.

"Each person’s opinion is solely the product of their own life and reality.It’s hard to imagine this. It’s way easier to get offended or mad or to internalize and believe what they said. Rather than getting consumed by it, obsessed over it and letting it affect you, just let it go. Hear what they say, accept that it is a reflection of their world, and poof. See the thought disappear." 

Jackie Vecchio

#137

I'm done feeling weighed down....

How about you? All that baggage, all those issues, addictions, and dead weight you are dragging along behind you. My Mom always said, "everyone has their sack of rocks," and one thing for sure we all have something. We have something that is holding us back, keeping us from: happiness, freedom, success. love or whatever it is we are working so hard to achieve. 

If you go into the ring with the same mind set and belief system that created the problem, you will never be able to solve it. You need to change your mind, your ideas, your opinions, your beliefs AND THEN you may create a shift in the current situation. 

If nothing is going right, go left! If you find yourself banging your head against the wall because nothing works, nothing changes and you just don't know where to go from here, this is what you do..... Let it go...

How many times have you heard that? Just let it go, don't take it on etc. It sounds so simple, but how do you do it? 

1.The first thing you do is identify the problem; it is always about you, no one can direct your course, unless you let them. You are dragging around some issue or belief that is causing you react as you do. 

2.Once you identify the problem, make a conscious decision. Is this belief/issue valid in my life at this moment or am I simply running an old program? Is it contributing to my growth in any way whatsoever? 

3.If it is not contributing, then you have one more conscious decision to make.. to let it go. Just say good bye to it, wish it well, thank it for being there for you when you needed it and kick it out the door.

When you are done feeling weighed down, let it go!

#136

You've been criticizing yourself for years....

This is so true. Our self talk needs work. So many critical thoughts run through your head each day; especially when you dress, bathe or look in the mirror. 

It has been said that this is solely a

women's problem, I'm not sure if solely is completely accurate, but generally, at least.   Men seems to be much more self-satisfied than women. They are usually showing off in front of the mirror, while we are picking ourselves apart. Women are very hard on themselves. Even women with supreme self-esteem seem to feel as though something is wrong with some portion of their being.

We are critical of our bodies, our face, or some part of it, our hair etc., and how is that working for us? It's not, it's working against us. Acceptance, is the answer. We need to accept and be grateful for all we are given. We need to learn to work with, not against our perceived flaws. If you love yourself, all the many parts of you, inside and out, you will reap the rewards.

This story was told to me (to my deaf ears) about twenty years ago by my sister. She had had trouble for years with acne. There is nothing more frustrating for a young women than to have her face breaking out regularly. She invariably found herself looking at her face, at a new break-out, and devaluing herself because of it. She decided to turn it around and love her face and all it's flaws; be gentle, instead of rubbing her skin raw, and kind and considerate at all times. She told herself that she was beautiful, just as she was, until she believed it. Her face cleared up and she has not had any problem with blemishes since. Thank you, Coralee, NOW I understand what you were telling me.

Try approving of yourself and see what happens...

#135
Sometimes the healing is in the aching....

When a life changing event, such as a major illness, accident, job loss, financial crisis or a death, takes place, you tend to completely shut down. In these situations, it is just too much to process. It has been a shock and it is difficult to function for a period of time. 

You simply move around from place to place without awareness or all you want to do is sleep. You are not 'of' this world for awhile, until you finally feel able to return and function with some level of clarity. AND then the aching starts.

Aching is a process we all have to deal with at some time in our life. Some things seem to be just too much to bear. But, of course, you will bear them, but it takes time. You need to respect the process and be kind to yourself. If a death has occurred, don't assume that it will all be forgotten within a certain time period. Everyone grieves at their own rate and if this is your first time dealing with devastating news, you have no idea how it will affect you. Your greatest wish during this time is for things to go back to normal, but there is a loss to contend with and someone is missing from your life. 

If the situation is an illness or an accident, there is still a grieving period because things are not the same as they were before. This is life, but that doesn't make it any easier. The whole scenario is difficult to accept and there is still an ache in your heart for your loss. Job loss and financial problems are a blow to you and your family, and you also need time to recover from these setbacks. They are also a loss.

During the healing process, the aching is a reminder of your loss, and although it is painful, it reminds you that you are alive and you will carry on. Crisis happens, celebrations happen and we learn to deal with life. Once the process is complete you will be awed by the awareness you have achieved during it. Again, be kind to yourself, there is a delicate balance to be maintained. Don't try to push through the process, allow it to flow through you and finally heal the ache. 

#134

View your life with KINDSIGHT...

Take it easy on yourself, you have been walking the path of learning. Everything you went through, has led you to where you are today. Each step you take is for a reason, there are no mistakes.

Make a choice to change your life, and go digging for the answers. Many past memories are extremely painful, and it takes a real commitment to make it happen. There is a place inside you where you store all the pain, resentment and anger that you have been unable to deal with. Be kind, you can only deal with things of this nature when you are ready, and you will only receive what you can handle. Opening yourself up for healing, is a courageous step.

Take responsibility for your actions and be personally accountable for any pain you may have caused. Forgive the people of your past in order to release the burden. Likewise, forgive yourself, you did what you needed to do at that time. When you know better, you do better. No regrets.

You can only work on what you are aware of, so be patient with yourself. It takes time to located the pain. Remember it is harder to contain the pain, than to set it free. Sit with it, express it (however you feel you need to) and then let it go. 

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.”  Steve Maraboli

“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!”  Steve Maraboli

#133 - Faced with inevitable change....

I am looking at change, in this case, as any type of movement. Formerly, if I felt stuck in any process that was not moving forward, for example: if I thought what I was doing was the right thing to do, or I felt something was my responsibility, I would fight until my spirit was weary, before I would finally give it up to the universe and try to let it go.

I don't know whether this was stubbornness, control issues, determination or tunnel vision. I would try to make it right, even to my own determent. But at the time when you are 'in' the circumstance, you don't realize that you are fighting a losing battle. You seem to think that you are fixing things and keep right on fighting. 

After some time, after some self-awareness, you begin to learn to stop beating your head against the wall and accept the fact that things will work out more advantageously if you get out of your own way. Stop resisting 'what is', and go with the flow. 

This was a hard fought lesson for me, I was the one to get things done, to fix things, to create harmony and when I hit a brick wall, it still didn't stop me. It had always worked, or so I thought, until it no longer did. I had to start to consider myself and my stress level and surrender some of the difficulties and complications. I had to stop making mountains out of molehills, making such a big deal out of every little hiccup. Eventually, if you work on it, you reach the trust level... you trust that things will work out, that nothing is that big a deal, and that you can handle it no matter what the outcome. You end up being grateful, you realize that all the hurdles were just lessons, nudges, trying to get your attention. 

And the lessons were to accept, surrender, and trust. 

You are OK, all is well.

#132

The one person I am with forever is me.....

This is the one belief that we all need to download, once again, into our inner networks. We started out knowing our worth, but life handed us other systems that we chose to believe instead. Many of us have lost ourselves in detrimental doctrine, trusting the esteem damaging words and actions of others. 

We enter the world perfect and whole, but it doesn't appear that way to us because life steps in, buttons are installed, issues are implanted, and we end up a hot mess. Many are raised in/with: Abuse, Addictions, Poverty, Adoption, Illness – mental or physical, Handicaps, or some circumstance we have no control over.

We acquire feelings of abandonment, low self-esteem, unworthiness, a multitude of complexes, syndromes before we ever reach adulthood. These feelings will decide which direction we will take on our life’s journey. We stockpile hurts, injustices, resentment and anger to build colossal walls around ourselves. There is always some cross to bear 

It's hard to understand why we would take the word of someone else, instead of trusting our inner core, but to quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Women: "It's easier to believe the bad stuff." It's a conditioning, a brainwashing, carefully planting ideas in your head about who you are.

This may be where you stand today, with complex issues keeping you from having a life filled with love and joy. How do YOU get back to YOU?   Self-awareness .... your hurts and pleasures, your attributes and accomplishments, your beliefs, etc. will start the process. And it is a process, it takes time. It will be worth it.... Respect the process, you are important, and it starts with YOU loving YOU