If you keep going backwards with the same people that God has intentionally removed from your life, you will continue to stay stuck. There is no joy in being confused and unhappy. Get rid of the old bad habits and leave them where they belong.
What is meant for you will be yours, learn to let go. Dysfunction isn't love.
Going back, repeating the process, falling for the act, following the same pattern, whatever you choose to call it, you want to reopen the old wounds one more time. It IS a choice, you know it will hurt, but the urge is ever persistent.
It's a bad habit, a dependency, virtually an addiction.
You are allowing this kind of relationship to continue or restart - THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING IN IT FOR YOU, some payoff. He/she is providing something that you feel is missing in you, which causes you to feel confused and unhappy.
YOUR happiness is the most important thing in your life. You need to find somewhere safe and comfortable where you can experience some happy. Then, you need to take a hard look at why you feel you need someone that doesn't fill your life with joy. You are worth more than this kind of treatment, don't stay stuck in relationships that don't meet your needs. Dysfunction isn't love.